how much are you worth?

if i could point out one definite problem i have with myself, it would be that i have never quite realized my worth. i have always had the tendency to put others' feelings and needs above my own...whether they ultimately deserved it or not. i was with my ex-boyfriend on and off for ten years. i can't honestly say that i ever felt i was in love with ryan, but there were definitely things i loved about him. at least that is what i would tell myself every time i would put my feelings aside in order to make our relationship work. when we ended, i promised myself i would never, ever, EVER lose myself for the sake of someone again. in fact, i was pretty gung-ho about just avoiding the whole relationship thing all together. hell, if it doesn't exist then it can't hurt you, right? but here i am, in the same situation all over again. i admit that when i met ochea, i wasn't looking for nor wanting a relationship. he was different, though (or at least i thought). we always talked about how there just seemed to be something greater than ourselves that brought us together. i still feel that way. i'm not completely sure as to why we were brought together, but we were. i don't want to say that i regret allowing myself to be with ochea, but i wish i had done things differently.