Letting Go....

Letting go may be just as difficult to do as moving on. Why do we tend to hold on to things even after we no longer want them or need them. It is like this undying urge to see the people who wronged you be bitch slapped in the face by Karma. But why? Why do I need to know he is hurting and suffering and in pain? Because for the last three years that is how I felt. I want him to suffer for every tear I shed when he lied and cheated. I want him to suffer for every dollar I spent because he didn't have a job. I want him to know how it feels to have someone toy with his emotions and then tomorrow act like they no longer matter because someone else comes along. I want him to suffer for everything I had to put on hold in order to help him try to move ahead. There was always someone else. The interesting thing about the mind of a shady person is how quickly they can let go. If you spend your whole life lying and manipulating and cheating in order to get what you want, it is easy for you to jump from one place to the next. When you have to constantly put on a show...production...in order to have people think you are more than you are, because in essence you are absolutely nothing, it is easy for you to disregard the feelings of others. When you confuse love with having a place to stay and someone who will take care of you, then no wonder you can let go so quickly. Some people will always be content with being mediocre. They will always figure out a way to get what they want by hurting others. So, why do I find myself having such a hard time letting go? I know everything he does is for show and I know he will never truly be happy because he is unable to be happy by himself. It's not that I have so much to hold on to, but it is because the piece of me that he shattered is still longing to see him suffer, even though, let's face it....he will never be held accountable for what he has done to me or his kids or those before us...At least that is what it feels like. I know it is time to let go, because no matter how long I sit and wait, Karma doesn't work on my time or on my terms. I am only accountable for me. I can only change for me. I can only let go...for me. That is the think about Karma, once you finally decide you can let go of those who have held you back for so long, it will do the rest. And rather it is today or ten years from today, he will have to face all that Karma has to give him....and that piece of me that is longing to see him pay for his wrongs will just have to be satisfied with knowing one day it shall. But by then, it will no longer matter, because my soul will have let him go...