Take this job and shove it!

I don't want to sound like one of those bitter individuals who dread going to work everyday, but why lie? I am one. I am a special education teacher...or to be politically correct, I am a teacher of children with exceptional needs. Usually when I tell people this little tidbit of my life, they automatically assume that I work with those beautiful kids that you root for at the special olympics, you know, the ones that you see with their big eyes and crooked smiles and want to hug and kiss and care for forever. Nope. Not that lucky. I get the honor and privilege of working with the kids that the other teachers can't deal with. I get the behavior problems...oh yes, those precious little angels you see showing out in the grocery store and make you want to smack their parents for not smacking them. Indeed, that is my job. From 8 to 2, I get to educate these darlin's on the way of the world...or at least my version of it, anyways. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy dealing with the crazy kids...i'm a psych major...it's what I went to school for...it's what I do. But this whole teaching gig is getting to me. I despise teaching. I only got into the whole field because my job at the adolescent psychiatric hospital was getting stale. I also ASSUMED, prior to actually thinking about what they say about making assumptions, that teachers were ultra professional and actually cared about the betterment of the kids. I mean, why else would you choose to deal with all the craziness of the chill'rens, right? Well, now I know why they say the saying they say about one who makes assumptions. I can somewhat deal with hormone raging middle schoolers...for the most part. Don't get me wrong, the kids can be very annoying...especially since most of them lack discpline. But I must admit, there is something endearing about kids who have been deemed trouble makers and criminals, like you. Those are the ones you want to like you, honestly. Who knows when you may need a discount cd player or a bootleg dvd to add to your collection. The trouble makers are the ones with substance and make for interesting stories at your uppity middle-class tea parties. For this antisocial educator, however, it's more about entertainment value. The fact that I can spew out my sarcastic wit, without recourse on a daily basis, to corrupt the minds of so many young ones makes dealing with the bullshit of my over controlling co-workers almost worth it. Of course, my teaching strategies may not appear ideal under the "No Child Left Behind" mumbo jumbo. Let's be honest, most of the students I see every day were left behind a long time ago or else they wouldn't be with me in the first place. So, I say screw the bloody curriculum! I prefer my own "Keeping It Real" study, anyways. Who needs to know verbs and nouns? By the time you graduate high school you don't remember what they are. I teach the stuff and I still couldn't tell ya what a freakin' adverb is. The only phrases my students need to know are "Do you want fries with that?" and "Paper or plastic?" Hell, I would be satisfied if they would write "Will work for food" like that instead of like "Wil wurk 4 fud." You want social skills? "Don't drop the soap" is a skill my kids need to be taught at an early age. Make it a family skill to be used by Uncle Tito and Auntie Charmaine. Math...the only math skill my students need to know is how to count the endless amount of change placed in their highly blinged out tin cup at the end of each work day or better yet, how many gold plated teeth they will need to blend in with the one real one they could afford. Ok, so this may sound harsh and even a little heartless, but it is said out of love. We all get a good laugh about it and I go on to proudly provide them with the quality Georgia education that has made us 48th in the country and they anxiously come to me to get. Those who can do...those who can't....